May 26, 2010
I park my car at The M. Luckily I drive a Kancil, which permits me to squeeze in between other cars. I make my way through a group of people and race to the elevator. As it stops at different levels, I find myself finally standing with a man that looks familiar.
“Out of the brink, captain?” he says.
I look at his image at the shining metal wall in the lift. “More like a frying pan is quite like it. This company looks hell than the one I just left”.
“Why is it so hard for you to let go? The company is falling apart, and here you are in the HQ building, looking for missions you know you can’t win”.
“The fight is not over yet, IZ. It is not about who wins. It is about who will survive”, I look at him straight in the eyes.
“… and just how are you going to make that happen?” he asks.
“If you want to put out a fire, you set another one right next to it – set a big bang, sucks away the oxygen”.
IZ turn to me with a serious look. “Focus on yourself, Lee. We’re not expandable. Seriously, I don’t feel good about what you’re doing”.
“Yeah?. When was the last time you feel good about anything?”
At the end of the day I decide to loosen a little bit at the café. IZ comes to me with a frowning look on his face.
“You just had to do it, don’t you? You just come right in front of his doorstep and let all your frustrations out. Is that it?” he asks.
“I didn’t let my frustrations out! Were you in the room together with me?”
IZ shakes his head. “Then leave it be, and please don’t bother me again! I’m trying to have a good, proper meal for goodness sake!” I said to him.
My hand is holding a ‘kuih ketayap’. It is suppose to be delicious until IZ came to my desk. “Ish… tiba-tiba masam pulak kuih ni” I complain to myself.
Back in my office, my assistant GS comes to me to convey about someone who had earlier told him about his resignation. That’s not a surprise. Nowadays many of my colleagues and staff in PJ and KL are resigning. There’s so many of them, until it looks like there’s a carnival of resigning staff! Even my ‘open source informer’ at finance, NA told me that she too is looking at leaving. I sit at a corner of my small cubicle and start to think. What if I leave? Why can I not? What is stopping me from leaving? Why is it that the more I want to leave, the deeper I am involved with whatever that is happening in the company?
Today HCM sent a text message about a police interrogation on her case. Though she knows that she’s not at fault, I tell her to be careful with her words, so as not to contradict her written statement to the police. I was interrogated a few times a long time ago, much of it unpleasant. But I know HCM will not be treated as if she has done a criminal offense because as far as I know, she acted in good faith.
But no matter what the outcome will be, I still regard HCM as a respectful person. She has been a good friend, and will always be.
I park my car at The M. Luckily I drive a Kancil, which permits me to squeeze in between other cars. I make my way through a group of people and race to the elevator. As it stops at different levels, I find myself finally standing with a man that looks familiar.
“Out of the brink, captain?” he says.
I look at his image at the shining metal wall in the lift. “More like a frying pan is quite like it. This company looks hell than the one I just left”.
“Why is it so hard for you to let go? The company is falling apart, and here you are in the HQ building, looking for missions you know you can’t win”.
“The fight is not over yet, IZ. It is not about who wins. It is about who will survive”, I look at him straight in the eyes.
“… and just how are you going to make that happen?” he asks.
“If you want to put out a fire, you set another one right next to it – set a big bang, sucks away the oxygen”.
IZ turn to me with a serious look. “Focus on yourself, Lee. We’re not expandable. Seriously, I don’t feel good about what you’re doing”.
“Yeah?. When was the last time you feel good about anything?”
At the end of the day I decide to loosen a little bit at the café. IZ comes to me with a frowning look on his face.
“You just had to do it, don’t you? You just come right in front of his doorstep and let all your frustrations out. Is that it?” he asks.
“I didn’t let my frustrations out! Were you in the room together with me?”
IZ shakes his head. “Then leave it be, and please don’t bother me again! I’m trying to have a good, proper meal for goodness sake!” I said to him.
My hand is holding a ‘kuih ketayap’. It is suppose to be delicious until IZ came to my desk. “Ish… tiba-tiba masam pulak kuih ni” I complain to myself.
Back in my office, my assistant GS comes to me to convey about someone who had earlier told him about his resignation. That’s not a surprise. Nowadays many of my colleagues and staff in PJ and KL are resigning. There’s so many of them, until it looks like there’s a carnival of resigning staff! Even my ‘open source informer’ at finance, NA told me that she too is looking at leaving. I sit at a corner of my small cubicle and start to think. What if I leave? Why can I not? What is stopping me from leaving? Why is it that the more I want to leave, the deeper I am involved with whatever that is happening in the company?
Today HCM sent a text message about a police interrogation on her case. Though she knows that she’s not at fault, I tell her to be careful with her words, so as not to contradict her written statement to the police. I was interrogated a few times a long time ago, much of it unpleasant. But I know HCM will not be treated as if she has done a criminal offense because as far as I know, she acted in good faith.
But no matter what the outcome will be, I still regard HCM as a respectful person. She has been a good friend, and will always be.
